Iron Chef
by SamandMax
Summary: Snake gueststars on the show "Iron Chef". Includes the same poor dubbing as the real TV show!


Iron Chef  
  
We see the kitchen arena, everyone is quiet as a man in a Japanese mumu walks onto a giant platform, he has a large sword in his hand. A cheaply done, narrator begins to speak.  
  
Narrator- When I was a young boy growing up in Hong Kong, we ate rats that we found drowning in the sewers. That is when I met Iron Chef Kujuma, who could cook a rat so good, you wouldn't get a disease from eating it. Now, with my magical sword, I declare war against bad food.  
  
The audience claps  
  
Narrator- Chef Kujuma's opponent today, is a scumbag from America. Today, he will face my magical blade as I chop off his head. And he will also cook.   
  
Snake and Chef Kujuma walk out of the shadows and stand before the host.  
  
Host- Today's special is.....Bananas!!!!  
  
Snake- Bananas? This is *beep* *beep* you *beep* *beep*  
  
Host- Please no talk. Me cut you with magic blade.  
  
Snake-Ok *beep* it. I'll think of something to make with some *beep* bananas.  
  
Snake and Chef Kujuma pick up their bananas and race back to their cooking areas.  
  
Host- Today, our celebrity guest panel includes: Japanese singing sensation Kuy Yokama, Famous Japanese Boxer To Saka, and American Scumbag, Burt Reynolds.  
  
Burt- It's a pleasure to be here.  
  
Host- Shut up Smokie! Go race around with your bandits!  
  
Burt- *sniff* I came here to eat, not be insulted.  
  
Host- Okay, now we going to our cameraman, Yozuma.  
  
Yozuma-(Cheaply done voiceover)- Hello, I am an average Japanese Cameraman with that can speak fluent English. I can now see Chef Kujuma cooking the bananas in a fine wine, while Snake repeatedly hits his with a large knife.  
  
Burt Reynolds- Mmmm...bananas in fine wine, that sounds great.  
  
Host- Shut up American scumbag!  
  
Yozuma-(Now has a different voiceover) I just asked what Snake was doing and he replied by saying "What the *beep* language are you talking in? Speak english so I can understand what the *beep* you are saying." I then asked him what he was making, and he threatened me with his blade.  
  
Kuy(Done in a male's voiceover)- Hello. I'm singing sensation, Kuy. I may sound like an American Male, but that's because my Japanese is a bit rusty. I hope I find this food delicious, and edible.   
  
Yozuma(Cheap voiceover)- Afukisan, I just seen that Chef Kujuma is making Banana Steak, which is known as the best banana dish in the world. I can now see that Snake is making regular bananas, just unpeeling them and sticking them on a plate.  
  
Snake- Hey, I heard that you *beep*. If I wasn't busy unpeeling these bananas and sticking them on this place, I'd come over there and stab you with my knife.  
  
Mysterious Voice- 45 minutes remaining  
  
Snake- Holy *beep* on a stick! I'm screwed!  
  
Yozuma(Now done in a female's voiceover)- Snake now seems to be panicking as he runs around humoursly with his blade in the area, screaming for his mother.  
  
Burt Reynolds- Hehehe  
  
Host- Silence foreign devil!  
  
Yozuma(Now done in a child's voice)- I just asked Snake why he was crying on the floor, and he replied by brandashing his butcher knife and threatening to "Gut me into next year"  
  
To-(Another cheap voiceover)- I am Japanese Boxer, To. I find this contest a disgrace to Chef's everywhere. But this is my oppinion, and not a voiceover's thoughts.  
  
Mysterious Voice- 30 Minutes remaining  
  
Yozuma(Now with a robotic voiceover)- It seems the match is already half over, and Chef Kujuma is now completed his food. He know sits in his area, pointing and laughing at Snake. Maybe I can go and speak to him.  
  
Kujuma-(What a surprise, a cheap voiceover)- Ahahaha. I laught at my opponent Snake. He has tried and failed to beat me at my cooking. Ahahahaha. His attempts are humorous to me.  
  
Yozuma-(Still in robotic voiceover)- Do you think you will win this match?  
  
Kujuma-(Voiceover now done with french accent)- Yes. I believe that this match will be won by me as I don't think Snake will survive that fire in his area.  
  
(The camera moves to show Snake who's running around while his large chef hat is on fire)  
  
Snake- Ahaaaaaaaaaaieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!  
  
Burt Reynolds- Ahahaha, now that's cooking!  
  
To- (Insert cheap voiceover here)- Shut up American, why don't you go build a poor quality car and go live in your larger, yet less effecient home.  
  
Yozuma(Voiceover now done with a Mexican accent)- I just heard some gamebreaking news down here. When I asked Kujuma if Snake was a American Spy, he replied with "Yes."  
  
Mysterious Voice- 5 minutes remaining.  
  
Yozuma(Voiceover now done by a old man)- Snake now has rolled up into a small ball and is crying while his food burns in the stove. It is a truly disturbing sight.  
  
  
  
The Testing Round  
  
Host- Hello. We now will test the food. Our first chef, Chef Kujuma, will present his food first.  
  
Kujuma- (Disturbingly bad voiceover)- My first dish is bananas covered with hardended chocolate.  
  
To (Wow, another bad voiceover)- This makes my stomach not hungry. It's fierce like a tiger, yet goes down like a crane.  
  
Burt Reynolds- Yes, this is great.  
  
Host- Shut up American Devil, your vote counts for nothing!  
  
Kujuma (Voiceover done my Marlon Brando)- My next dish is a banana soup. It may sound awful, but I added enough spices to make it good.  
  
Kuy-(Voiceover done my spanish midget)- Holy Ricecakes! This is as good as giant chicken ball made of rice.  
  
Burt- Can I say something?  
  
Host- No. Okay, our next contestant is Snake.  
  
Snake- Hello. I created this dish. Peeled Bananas.  
  
To (Voiceover done by hobo)- This dish makes me vomit in disgust. It is worse then the movie "Son-in-Law" starring Paulie Shore.  
  
Snake- Hey, I'm better then that *beep* Paulie Shore. Right Burt!  
  
Burt- Well....no.  
  
Snake- Hey, you're the one that made Cannonball Run 2!!!  
  
Burt- Okay, that's it you *beep*.  
  
Host- Yes! Fight you Americans! Disgrace your country!  
  
Kujuma( Voiceover now done by a man screaming in pain)- I presume that I have won as Burt Reynolds is dead and the other two judges voted for me.  
  
Host- Yes, the winner is Iron Chef Kujuma  
  
Snake- Waaahhhh! I'll *beep* kill all of you!  
  
Host- Please, your american insults mean nothing to us.  
  
Snake (Now done with voiceover)- Yes. You are correct. Let us all live together in peace.  
  
  
  
Sadly, that was the last episode of Iron Chef as Burt Reynold's murder caused the producers to be sued. 


End file.
